


How I Was Abandoned In Hell

by PuddlesOnTheRocks



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 20:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10498725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuddlesOnTheRocks/pseuds/PuddlesOnTheRocks
Summary: A parody of Supernatural, the story of one of our long-forgotten characters told afresh, from his perspective. Set in reality tv format.Warning: This story might cause mental damage.





	1. It Begins (dun dun DUUUN)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story I'm trying out. It's a parody of SPN, co-written Meeseproductions (Fanfiction author). This story is already highly amusing to write, and I hope you think the result is fabulous.

I want everyone to imagine something.

Pretend supernatural has just ended. The show is over, Sam and Dean are alive.

The two are walking down a road, into the sunset. The Screen fades to black.

The ominous words 'the end' appear on the dark television, two words that can never be changed.

The letters fade, and all of the sudden, out of the inky blackness, four words are spoken.

Four words in a voice you know so well, the voice of a pie-loving, badass hunter who pisses off half the things he hunts and is probably one of the best big brothers ever.  
"Shit, we forgot Adam."

Cut to black again. You sit there, wondering if that was real, if you should even pay attention.  
Should you?

Maybe not. But a show you like well enough is on next anyways, so you let the commercials play out while you think about what those four words might have meant.  
Maybe they were just a way for the writers to end the show in their own particular way. Maybe they were the signs of a spinoff. Maybe you were hallucinating.  
You weren't.

A message from the TV blares from the screen, drawing your attention. The KTLA 5 news has been canceled for that night (What a shame). There will be a new show taking its place.  
A reality show. A show, they say, that is a parody of one of the longest-running shows in TV history.

Doctor who? You think. No, that isn't possible. That show is still going, as it would figure.  
The CW opening flashes on the screen, a prelude to whatever show comes on next. What new show could they be—oh.  
Your mind flashes back to a week ago, a trailer you barely paid any attention too, you were too busy thinking about the previous trailer for Supernatural's final episode.

A new show begins, the screen still ink black. You frown in confusion—is the TV broken?  
Seven words. That is all it takes. Seven words for you to jump off the couch, sit on the floor, schooch closer to the TV.  
Is this what you think it is? Maybe, just maybe, is this really going to be what you think it is?

Seven words. Seven words now permanently etched into your memory, no matter how much you try and forget. A show that you will likely continue to watch, no matter how weird, for the simple familiarity of it, of its characters, who you haven't seen in so long. Most of whom you probably hate, but no matter, not now.  
Seven words.

"Hi, I'm Adam. I'm stuck in hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok i'm probably going to be stupid and say this again in chapter two but HEY whatever  
> or did I say it in the summary?  
> Eh i'm good at repeating myself. It's a trait I've yet to break.
> 
> I co wrote this story with my friend on FanFiction, Meeseproductions.  
> You can't see her from the far away land of FanFiction.net, but she's waving.  
> We had fun, it's ridiculously stupid, and I hope you enjoy.


	2. Adam's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continued story of the third Winchester brother  
> Alternative Title: The Hijinks Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters on the same day! This is a record-let's just hope it lasts. I have my best friend to encourage me on this, so keep your fingers crossed that that's incentive enough.  
> We apologize in advance for bashing these characters. It is in the name of humor, and though we love the show, it is always fun to torture the characters. We are depraved human beings.

"Hi, I'm Adam. I'm stuck in Hell."

You may have heard of my brothers, Sam and Dean. They are complete dicks. I mean, you watch their TV show right?

They got their own show, meet an ANGEL, somehow stick together despite everything. Me? I'm forgotten. In HELL. Doesn't exactly give you a warm, brotherly feeling now does it?  
An amount of years ago that I can no longer remember (time works differently in hell. Don't let that fool you-the reason I can't remember is I've been here since season five, however many years THAT'S been) I was abandoned. Stuck in hell. And I'm not alone.

I'm not even in the FUN part of hell. Demons torturing souls, bothering Crowley, talking about how they plan to take over the world. I'm stuck in the CAGE. With Lucifer and Michael. And let me tell you, those two never SHUT UP.

Sam was here for awhile. I mean, normally, I'd be happy, right? My brother, here! 140 years or so to spend time with him!  
That isn't even CLOSE to what happened.

Lucifer spent ALL of those years paying attention to (aka torturing) him.

(Ah yes, Sam was so much fun to torture.)  
(Shut up Lucifer, this is my story.)  
Why does nobody like me? Am I chopped liver?

Then Dean rescues him and forgets ME. Of course, rescue Sam. The baby brother. Forget your HALF BROTHER WHO IS STUCK HERE WITH TWO ANGELS WHO WONT SHUT UP.

(Excuse ME, we have been nothing but kind)  
(Michael, if you don't shut up, I will tell Lucifer that you were lying this whole time and that you really love him and he should tell you about all the years he spent in hell)

My daily routine is pretty normal now. Wake up, try and ignore the other two morons stuck in here with me (both of you. Not just Lucifer. not just Michael. BOTH of you) try and get an hour or so of sleep. Tortured souls screaming makes for a lovely alarm clock.

Sometimes one of the demons will take pity on us and find a way to sneak us coffee. 'Course, this is hell, so it isn't even the good stuff. It's this awful, hotel-brand powdered coffee that we get with a half-melted plastic water bottle that's about 1/3 full.

Of course, there is this lovely succubus who comes by every once in awhile, she's really quite-  
(You are as bad as Dean Winchester.)  
(I am NOT)  
-anyways, she is really quite beautiful.

After the terrible coffee, I keep sitting in the cage. The only difference? My mouth tastes like dead scorpion.  
Sometimes tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber bicker about ME, saying I dont care about them and then Michael bursts into tears saying he wishes that he could actually be in CIVILIZED company. Once, I even heard him say that he would rather have a conversation with Sam and Dean than be stuck here. Lucifer never shuts up about that, saying he loves them more than him.

I think the worst part is when Michael and Lucifer heard about Finding Dory. Now all they do is argue about whether or not that movie resulted in Hot Fish Sex and little fish babies.

{Authors Note: Yes, we are really writing about Hot Fish Sex. Believe it or not, some depraved individuals (not us) actually wrote about a human Dory and Marlin doing that exact thing. {If one of those individuals reads this-I apologize, I am not insulting you.} But hey, its okay. I'm not actually describing it for you.  
(Another) Warning: This isn't the creepiest thing we will write all day. If this is disturbing to you, you might want to leave. I did warn you in the summary. pay more attention next time. That it? No more complaints? Did the guy in row three get his popcorn refill? Brilliant, on with the show.}

Of course, there was the one time the succubus (her name is Anita) managed to sneak in here. Lucifer and Michael were bickering too loudly to notice.

The result is I am now the father of ten succubus/human children. They will have such a legacy following them. My babies, off to torture people. I'm so proud. I might actually cry.  
(Don't you DARE cry. We're basically living in a river at this point.)  
(I SAID I was sorry Luci! It was an emotional first few months!)  
(Would you two STOP for FIVE minutes?  
No, Lucifer, don't...)  
(Hey! I wanted to have a turn!)  
(Finders, keepers, Mikey. I got the camera now. Its my turn.)


	3. Lucifer's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or if we're being literal "This is as Good as it Gets"  
> Because after all, they're in hell  
> *badum-tssh*  
> Chapter Three is up! Three in one day! Blame Meeseproductions-its her fault, we're having too much fun writing this.  
> We haven't written this chapter yet-so brief warning. We're debating on the amount of disturbing content in this chapter, so it could be high or low. Be prepared for either.  
> We are having a really good time writing this, so we hope you like it as much as we do.
> 
> And yet another warning  
> We're already insane weirdos who read smut on occasion and enjoy mocking our favorite tv show characters, and as much as we'd love to own supernatural we do not.  
> Probably should've mentioned that earlier, but it's kinda obvious. We're fanfiction authors. Not Tv show writers.  
> Back to the point, this story is weird. It's going to be weird. And hopefully funny, but if you think we're lowering the idiocy content, you are sadly mistaken.  
> Feel free to comment any criticism, but if it's about the level of abundant stupidity, just keep it to yourself. We know. We wrote it. Purposefully.  
> So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show

Hi, Lucifer here. My turn to talk.

Adam thinks it is all fun-and-games down here, but I have been here for MILLENIA. JUST because I rebel a little. What, is that trait too human? You see mortal children rebelling all the time, turning against parents or family or friends. It is in their NATURE. So why is it so terrible for me to do the same?

Oh, right. Because I am...was...an archangel. The first four angels. The ones who are supposed to LEAD. To KNOW better.

(That is true, Luci. I still fail to see how you don't understand th-)  
(Y'know, I can see why Adam was so annoyed with us talking over him.)  
(Thank the gods, does this mean you'll STOP when I get it ba-)  
(Firstly, that means you too. Secondly, no, it does not. Annoying you is too much fun.)

Michael is the most ANNOYING cell mate it is possible to be stuck with. He STILL thinks he can boss us around. I have news for you brother dear-we are all in the cage. You have no higher standing.  
Adam, by the way, was wrong. Dean didn't get Sam out of hell. Actually, Dean didn't even KNOW Sam was out of hell for a YEAR after he ditched me. And we were having so much FUN together.

(I still have no wifi on my computer)  
(Adam, how did you manage to bring your computer with you?)  
(I dont even know.)  
(What is wifi?)  
(Mikey, keep up. Wifi is an internet signal...thing.)  
(Ugh, you two are hopeless. How did we get wifi anyways?)  
(Sam brought it with him. It was how I was able to post a ton of stuff online. Now will you PLEASE let me continue?)

When I was king of hell, I used to go everywhere. I could visit Hel, go to other realms, annoy other deities...  
ah, life was good.

(Hey, wasn't Hel Gabe's daughter?)  
(Yeah, from his stint as Loki)  
(The norse god?)  
(Adam, keep up or go do something else. Seriously.)

And then there's now. I am trapped down here, when I should be ruling hell. Instead that upstart Crowley gets to do so.  
Sam would have been the perfect host with which to rule hell. He was the Boy with the Demon Blood. He had rebelled against a father who didn't accept his choice.  
Instead, he gets annoying ideas about loyalty. It's so hard to find good hosts anymore. In the days of old, people would have bowed down at the chance.

(No...Mikey, give it back!)  
(Mine now!)  
(Adam, help me will you?)  
(Y'know what...I think i'm going to go over there and stare at the wall. Yeah, the wall is really interesting.)  
(You are completely useless.)

Now that you have heard from those two uncultured CHILDREN, it is my turn to tell my story.  
(Nope, mine now. You both got your turn.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 90% sure that chapter summary was longer than that chapter  
> Oops  
> Well I hope the (few) people who read this enjoy it, because it's insanely fun to right and hilarious to come up with. Feel free to comment ideas and suggestions, I don't have much to work on. After Michael's chapter, we'll be stumped.


	4. Michael Gets the Mic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I have a round of applause for the stupidity of the title?  
> *assorted 'boo's and rotten vegetables*  
> *wipes away tear*  
> thank you
> 
> I'm trying something new with this chapter, let's see how much you all hate/love it.  
> I choose to think you all have a love/hate relationship with this story. Probably more HATE, but, eh.

FINALLY.

Now that I've gotten the microphone, you might all be subjected to less stupidity.  
I've been trapped in hell for AGES. I wish I knew why--its not like I've ever done anything WRONG.  
(*muffled laughter from Adam and Lucifer*)  
(HEY!)

After all, I'm the eldest. It's my job to be an example to my siblings.  
(Would you two STOP IT? Its not THAT funny!)  
(*in unison* Yes, yes it is)

Morons. The both of them. Shall I tell you how I got here?  
Wait, no. You all know that don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't care NEARLY enough to watch this idiotic idea of a show.  
(HEY!)  
Hm. Ah yes! I shall let the camera man tell you. Here you are, good sir

(How...how have we not noticed him?)  
(Seriously? THE CAMERA IS ON OUR FACE 27-7.)  
(...)  
(Did Michael just call him 'good sir?')  
(did he just give up a chance to complain and endlessly talk about himself?)  
(he must want something)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it is so short. I went into writing this with no ideas, and realized the error of my ways.  
> I was given free reign to write this one on my own, so if its more idiotic than the other chapters, blame Meeseproductions.  
> Hey, she let me write it alone
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed.  
> Well, at least enough to laugh a little.  
> No? Fine. I'll try harder next time.  
> I'm considering adding in one of the main cast. After all, this is supposed to be filmed live from hell. Any ideas about who I should bring in?


	5. The Complete and Total Train Wreck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my 28 readers, as well as the kudos from inezblue! It's nice knowing that this story isn't a total train wreck.  
> Yet.  
> Anyways, this chapter will follow the days of the cameramen in hell. Don't worry, we'll go back to Michael--his endless rant about Lucifer and Adam is not something I want to skip writing.   
> Just, not when I can't think of what to write.

Right, so I'm not going to question why an archangel just handed me a microphone and told me to tell you all what's going on while simultaneously telling a scrawny kid that looks 15 to hold my camera, and I'm just going to go with it.

So, uh, hi. My name's Jordan, I'm the cameraman for this shindig.  
I don't know why I was assigned to Hell to film a Sitcom about angels, but I was, so here I am.  
I used to be a pretty average guy. Got a college degree, got into film, became a cameraman for mostly low-budget Tv shows.   
Not married, but had a girlfriend, Emma.  
Nice, average life, yaknow?  
Then one day I get a call, asking if i'd like a job. And of course I said yes--money's tight, especially now, and my parents have said I can't move back again.

Well, I didn't know the job would be in HELL.  
Not even Hell. The CAGE. With LUCIFER.  
Of course I watched Supernatural-half the world did. Besides Sherlock, they had one of the most insane and large fan bases. And they had a gif for EVERYTHING. It was impossible to get through life without seeing Supernatural at least once.  
But none of us knew it was REAL.

Nor do I know how they FILMED it.   
No one will tell me either, though I supposedly have ANGELS trapped down here with me, they know nothing.

So I get down to hell, right? Basically I went to sleep the night I said yes to the film job, and I wake up down here with two other guys who apparently are the sound system techs. And we're just supposed to...start filming.  
No lines. No script. No stopping. We're just supposed to film these guys going about their daily life, with occasional interviews.

Arnold over here says i'm supposed to talk about them, so why not.  
Michael is whiny. I mean, more whiny than Lucifer. For all his years and superiority, he's the youngest mentally.

(EXCUSE ME)  
(Hey no smiting. It's in my contract. I am contractually allowed to say anything about you I want)  
(And that, brother dear, is the beginning of something beautiful. Excuse Adam and I, we're just going to eat popcorn and watch you get torn to shreds)  
(How even did you get popcorn?)  
(Anita)  
(Why does ADAM get the demon girlfriend? I'm the king of HELL)  
(You are also stuck in the cage, so stop being a megalomaniac and eat the popcorn)

As I was saying, Michael also never shuts up about himself. What he did, what he's going to do, yada yada yada. He gripes at the other prisoners so often you'd think he was being paid by the annoyed comment.  
He doesn't shut up unless he's getting something in return, and I think everyone in here owes him at least 4 things now.   
It's uncomfortable being in debt to an angel. Like, what will they ask you to do? What if you don't want to pay up?  
He also CONTINUALLY whines about how 'its unfair that he's here, that he never did anything wrong, ect ect ect"  
Can I punch an angel?

Lucifer is surpirisngly quiet. Some of the time. He spends a lot of time watching old movies, because apparently when Sam was her he brought WIFI with him, and that WIFI stuck around. It's gotten slower as the years went on, and none of us want to know what'll happen when that WIFI dies. It's stuck around for a millennia though, so it'll probably say around for another millennia more.

Adam is...well...a kid. When you come to the cage you age ALOT slower. So the kid looks about 15-17.  
He's usually quiet and ignored, Michael and Lucifer spend too much time bickering to torture him. Whenever his demonic girlfriend Anita comes by, Michael and Lucifer usually slink to the corner and try and cover their ears.   
Apparently they had kids, 'cause Anita has brought them to visit him sometimes. I never thought i'd say this about demons, but they're kinda cute.

We never sleep. I mean never. It's pretty impossible, with the screams of the damned in the background. So we're pretty much ALWAYS filming.   
We had to fashion some makeshift steel braces for the sound tech guys, holding up those mics all day.  
I'm not entirely sure how we aren't dead.

It's so hot here too. A glacier would melt in 2 seconds flat, and that's if its melting SLOWLY. Again, not sure how we haven't been burned alive. Probably some demonic, hellish interference.  
It's SMALL too, barely big enough to fit all of us, and definitely not comfortable.  
To be fair, it's hell. I expect nothing less.

And Adam looks like he's about to drop the camera. I'd normally just keep talking, but I don't want it broken. I don't know what'll happen if we can't film anymore, and I don't want to.  
So, as a final goodbye, I'm going to toss this mic, leap to catch my camera, and see the three morons in here scramble for the mic like dogs after a treat.  
I'll see you behind the screen, ladies and gents.  
And that's my cue to say farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! How did you all like Hell from the POV of the long-suffering cameramen?  
> No one really knows how their equipment hasn't melted, so I'll just chalk it down to The Endless Void of Eternal Mysteries and not question it.
> 
> I love keeping you all guessing with the comments in parentheses. Some of them are obvious with who is talking, and others aren't, and i'm not saying who's saying what. A little mystery never hurt anyone.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoyed this story, and didn't have to restrain yourselves from throwing your computers and/or cellular devices across the room from the stupidity.


	6. A Complete and Total Inability

Right, so I have a complete and total inability to finish this story without my co writer. How I Was Abandoned In Hell will be updated the next time we get to spent more than an hour in each other's company. Until then!


End file.
